Snarky 150
Snarky 150

This is an overall list for 12-team PPR leagues as of August 20, 2019. For rankings updated multiple times per day, click here.

Note: Rankings are real, but comments, some of which are offensive and in poor taste, are not meant to be taken seriously.

Warning: many, if not most, are stupid, though it can't be worse than last year's.

Rank PlayerPos Team Comment
1Saquon BarkleyRBNYGOnly good player on his team
2Christian McCaffreyRBCARPoor man's John Riggins
3Alvin KamaraRBNOPoor man's Reggie Bush
4Ezekiel ElliottRBDALJust a contract holdout, no assault suspension this time
5DeAndre HopkinsWRHOUSlowest WR1 ever
6David JohnsonRBAZWorst ROI in history from 2017-2018
7Le'Veon BellRBNYJCredit for the ménage, but real man protects his ice
8Nick ChubbRBCLEStarting to get excited about his upside
9JuJu Smith-SchusterWRPITHyphenated names are a cop out. Pick a favorite parent and stick with it
10Julio JonesWRATLWho was the impostor that scored 8 TDs in the second half of 2018?
11Davante AdamsWRGBMediocre talent
12Odell BeckhamWRCLELooks faster without Eli's corpse on his back
13Michael ThomasWRNOAmazing at catching six-yard passes
14James ConnerRBPITHas a knack for the catastrophic fumble
15Travis KelceTEKCWas hoping Tyreek Hill went to jail
16Mike EvansWRTBAlways terrible in odd years
17Tyreek HillWRKCMove down baby-sitting cheat sheet
18Damien WilliamsRBKCCareer high in carries is 50
19Joe MixonRBCINPoor man's Rudi Johnson
20Dalvin CookRBMINThe year he finally stays healthy!
21Antonio BrownWROAKQuite obviously insane
22Todd GurleyRBSTLDon't read into Rams using C.J. Anderson in the Super Bowl
23Adam ThielenWRMINPoor man's Steve Largent
24Leonard FournetteRBJACPoor man's Trent Richardson
25Aaron JonesRBGBMike McCarthy will find a way to bench him yet
26Melvin GordonRBLACBluffing with 2-7 off suit
27Kerryon JohnsonRBDETUses entire overhead
28Keenan AllenWRLACGarden-variety possession receiver
29Stefon DiggsWRMINcatching short passes
30Amari CooperWRDALIs fading Antonio Brown this year
31Marlon MackRBINDMore like Marlon Miata
32Devonta FreemanRBATLNo brainer at this point in the draft
33Zach ErtzTEPHIPoor man's Dallas Goedert
34George KittleTESFGeorge Brittle
35Patrick MahomesQBKCApparently a FG was too much to ask in first half of AFC title game
36T.Y. HiltonWRINDAnother wasted year with Jacoby Brissett
37Chris GodwinWRTBPer Hitler's law, when Godwin is picked, the draft is over
38Josh JacobsRBOAKRaiders always worst-case scenario for NFL prospects
39David MontgomeryRBCHIOverhyped rookie du jour
40Sony MichelRBNEShould have gone with Samsung
41Mark IngramRBBALPoor man's Willis McGahee
42Derrick HenryRBTENWould it kill him to catch a pass?
43Kenny GolladayWRDETAlready past his prime
44Brandin CooksWRLARShould have been a chef
45Robert WoodsWRLARSystem WR
46Mike WilliamsWRLACHow many Mike Williamses are there?
47D.J. MooreWRCARSlower version of Curtis Samuel
48Tyler BoydWRCINGives hope to left-for-dead players around the league
49Phillip LindsayRBDENName could be adult film title
50Jarvis LandryWRCLEGets targets no matter how unwarranted
51Julian EdelmanWRNECredit where it's due for roid optimization
52O.J. HowardTETBWill never be the first person you associate with "O.J." 
53Sterling ShepardWRNYGExcels at tending sheep
54Evan EngramTENYGPoor man's Jeremy Shockey
55Calvin RidleyWRATLIrrelevant once Julio Jones started scoring TDs
56James WhiteRBNEPoor man's Kevin Faulk
57Tarik CohenRBCHIFumbling machine
58Duke JohnsonRBHOUEven a peasant could beat out Lamar Miller
59Tevin ColemanRBSFChange-of-pace back miscast as a starter
60Darrell HendersonRBLARA bet on arthritis over the human spirit
61Miles SandersRBPHIPart of eight-man RB rotation
62Chris CarsonRBSEAPoor man's Marion the Barbarian
63Rashaad PennyRBSEAPound-foolish to spend first-rounder on backup RB
64Dede WestbrookWRJACSomeone has to catch passes there
65Cooper KuppWRLARHalf empty off torn ACL
66Allen RobinsonWRCHINow playing with Blake Bortles 2.0
67Tyler LockettWRSEAIf he plays like peak Jerry Rice again maybe he'll see 75 targets
68Corey DavisWRTENGoing down Davante Parker career path
69Deshaun WatsonQBHOUTears ACL during practice in odd years
70Robby AndersonWRNYJGood luck timing Adam Gase's whims
71Alshon JefferyWRPHIAlmost always hurt
72A.J. GreenWRCINBroken man
73Josh GordonWRNEYou still care what he did in 2013?
74Will FullerWRHOUProductive on rare occasion he suits up
75Baker MayfieldQBCLEBrowns should hire Hue Jackson as QB coach
76Emmanuel SandersWRDEN32 YO coming off Achilles tear. What could go wrong?
77Curtis SamuelWRCARDoes best work in preseason
78Christian KirkWRARZHis performance is why ARZ drafted three wideouts this year
79John BrownWRBUFThe Sheriff 
80Dante PettisWRSFThe Inferno was not about Pettis' training camp performance 
81Jamison CrowderWRNYJShould have been a DB
82Latavius MurrayRBNOPoor man's Mark Ingram
83Devin SingletaryRBBUFShould supplant decaying remains of LeSean McCoy
84DeVante ParkerWRMIAThis is the year!
85Courtland SuttonWRDENIf drops are a category, move up 20 spots
86Aaron RodgersQBGBBummed to lose the McCarthy excuse
87Kenyan DrakeRBMIAAlready injured
88Devin FunchessWRINDSOL
89Marvin JonesWRDETLeast exciting player in the draft
90Anthony MillerWRCHIDislocated shoulder more times than Martin Riggs
91Kalen BallageRBMIAShould have been an adult film star
92Matt BreidaRBSFInjured as often as you'd expect for average-sized man posing as NFL RB
93Jared CookTENOProductive stretches appear almost at random
94Vance McDonaldTEPITIncapable of 16-game season
95Hunter HenryTELACGoing down LaDarius Green career path
96Sammy WatkinsWRKCShell of his former self
97DeSean JacksonWRPHIRich man's Ted Ginn
98Marquez Valdes-ScantlingWRGBSee Smith-Schuster, Juju
99Lamar MillerRBHOUAvoid
100Austin EkelerRBLACUnfair for Gordon to ask for contract when this guy is barely scraping by
101Cam NewtonQBCARDrives team's top receiver out of town each year
102Parris CampbellWRINDNever trust a player named after a misspelled foreign city
103Russell WilsonQBSEAPoor man's Kyler Murray
104Matt RyanQBATLPoor man's Vanilla Ice
105Ronald JonesRBTBNo one can fathom why he was taken in Round 2
106Kyler MurrayQBARZShould have played baseball
107Peyton BarberRBTBCloser to Hillis than Manning
108Carson WentzQBPHIPoor man's Nick Foles
109Larry FitzgeraldWRARZShameless compiler
110Derrius GuiceRBWASAdrian Peterson unimpressed by his ACL recovery
111Jordan HowardRBPHIFilling the Jay Ajayi/LeGarrette Blount veteran plodder role
112Darwin ThompsonRBKCNatural selection at this point
113Andy IsabellaWRARZPoor man's Wayne Chrebet
114Kenny StillsWRMIAShould have been a photographer
115Andrew LuckQBINDLeague's most ironically named player
116Lamar JacksonQBBALPoor man's Michael Vick
117Jaylen SamuelsRBPITEncouraging James Conner to hold out
118Tony PollardRBDALBeat writers in Jerry's pocket pretending he's Gehrig to Elliott's Pipp
119Jared GoffQBLARSystem QB
120Golden TateWRNYGPlatinum Tate roids twice as hard
121Michael GallupWRDALMore of a trotter
122Dak PrescottQBDALRare case where team should pay the RB instead
123Mitchell TrubiskyQBCHIBlake Bortles 2.0
124Jameis WinstonQBTBGoing down Josh Freeman career path
125Mark AndrewsTEBALOverhyped sleeper tight end du jour
126Nyheim HinesRBIND57 Varieties of mediocrity
127Alexander MattisonRBMINSous chef in Minnesota backfield
128Greg OlsenTECARSee Watkins, Sammy
129Terry McLaurinWRWASOnly Redskin receiver with a pulse
130Mecole HardmanWRKCSee Ballage, Kalen
131Justin JacksonRBSDPoor man's Darnell Autry
132David NjokuTECLEJoke is on the Browns
133Deebo SamuelWRSFPoor man's Curtis Samuel
134Kyle RudolphTEMINPoor man's Jason Witten
135Royce FreemanRBDENRandom player Brad Evans is hyping this year
136Austin HooperTEATLMissed his calling as NBA power forward
137Donte MoncriefWRPITAlready missed his chance
138Delanie WalkerTETENSo old he needs a walker
139Tyrell WilliamsWROAKHouse Tyrell foolishly backing the Raiders
140Eric EbronTEINDSOL
141Dallas GoedertTEPHIEstragon and Vladimir still waiting for him
142Jimmy GrahamTEGBSee Olsen, Greg
143Marquise BrownWRBALDrafting injured first-round WR is 11-dimensional chess
144Keke CouteeWRHOUTeam medical staff gets plenty of QT with Coutee
145Carlos HydeRBKCLess explosive than Dr. Jeckyll
146Jamaal WilliamsRBGBHoping Mike McCarthy gets the job back
147Quincy EnunwaWRNYJSee Anderson, Robby
148Tre'Quan SmithWRNOTough to make big plays when 50-YO QB won't throw 10-YD pass
149Geronimo AllisonWRGBWent undrafted for a reason
150Ben RoethlisbergerQBPITPut off retirement for good now that he's out of brain cells

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Chris Liss
Chris Liss is RotoWire's Managing Editor and Host of RotoWIre Fantasy Sports Today on Sirius XM radio.
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